l did something that I felt was incredible this week: I finished roller derby try outs and made the team! 

At one point in the tryout, I found myself crying from the pain in my legs, especially my thighs. Other skaters were passing me and I knew I was falling more than anyone else. Meanwhile, a picture of a  sprinkled cookie, that I knew was waiting for me when I finished, pops in my head. Then I start thinking that "sugar cookie" might be a good Derby name. I realized I was putting my energy into thinking about that utterly delicious cookie instead of being focused on doing my best in the 30 minutes left in the two hour try out. Thoughts are popping like balloons about the tryout, a cookie, and my legs. Whew!

Even my mom couldn't watch. I fell so many times it was painful to see. Later my mom confessed that she thought that if I wanted to quit she would cool with it. 

You should understand, we sugar women don't give up easily. 

And then the try out was over. I did get a compliment from a coach that made me sparkle and shine inside. YES!. . . sparkle. But still, the next 25 hours were torture. Bunches of crazy and wildly ambitious emotional thoughts swelled-n-swirled through my head. I just had to know.  Did I make the team or not?

I had tried my absolute best! Was that enough, and if not what is?

While at the airport the next day my mom asked me if I would be devastated if I didn't make the team. She knew how much it meant to me. I told her that I would okay but we both knew I would be disappointed. That's when she sprung it on me. She started smiling and told me congratulations. She had already read an email and was just testing how I would handle defeat. But I hadn't been defeated, not this time anyway. I'm a Roller 

sunglasses: WarbyParker/ earrings:Bando/ top:Zara/ pants: Asos