The scariest place to be is in the same place as last year

The scariest place to be is in the same place as last year. Surrounding yourself with the same people, thinking the same thoughts, and not allowing yourself to be uncomfortable long enough to grow. 

While scrolling through social media, I saw a post joking about if they called everyone they had in their contacts most of them wouldn’t pick up. I couldn’t help but put myself in that same situation, if I called every single person I know, they would all mostly pick up, because I had never done anything shady and I try to stay as transparent as possible with everyone that comes into my life.

Yes, even my ex-best friends who I ghosted in middle school or the boy who us to slut shamed me on Snapchat before I even had my first kiss would pick up that phone call. But as my mind wandered, I become curious if a dude I have dated in the past would pick up the phone if he saw my name. My first gut reaction was no because in every situation possible I did ignore him. And I hated that, I hated that I was the person to ignore someone in the hallway when they waved or said, “hi”.

I’ve been on the receiving end from mean girls in my 9th year who thought I was an idiot to fake friends who woulde’t say hi outside of school. It felt like the person who ignores you doesn’t even treat you like a full person. Almost as if, you where’t even worth giving eye contact to. The badass person I can envision myself becoming would never make people feel less than a person. That version of me would have the guts to go up to someone and say hi, big picture me knows that:

A) it’s not a big deal

B) making everyone in a room feel welcome is a good skill to have ( and one that I possess)

About a week after that, on a rainy winter Seattle day, I saw that dude and without a second thought said hello. There was this moment of relief in his eyes, and he says hi back. He then started to ask me questions, am I mad at him (yes); I ok (now I am yes). Then he starts asking questions that he already knew the answer to, and the conversation trailed off. We stood there in silence. And I looked off to the side and he got on the phone and walked away. And that was it. I had no idea it would be that easy to clarify that I was good with someone, that even though I didn’t want them in my life, that didn’t mean we where’t strangers.

The scariest place to be in the same place as last year. I’m not the same version of myself I was a year ago, and I’m not the same version of myself when I wrote this blog post in the first place. There’s always evolution in life, and I’m just grateful I willingly put myself in situations to help me grow.

t-shirt: old Big Bud Press/ pants: Lisa says Gah/ earrings: old Madewell/ belt: old Target