Nothing to lose... shh that ego

I’ve been trying to be more mindful about living without being so in my head. Trying to remember that there is rarely anything to lose just by trying.

Recently, I participated in hook-up culture for the first time. Ok, it was just a makeout sesh (calm down). For some of my friends who go to more parties than I do, hook up’s with random dudes is a casual Friday night. The hookup culture normalizes being intimate very fast. And, I don’t think I’m cut out for it. Or rather I don’t have any interest in participating. I don’t have any judgment or think there is anything wrong with it, in the moment, it’s fun. In the back of my mind, I kept on thinking about this person, this person that I want to become, and just the type of relationships I want to cultivate. Do I want a boyfriend? I didn’t think so…. but maybe if the right type of guy came around. I am learning more about what I don’t like lately.

Fast forward a week later I was telling a friend about the random guy. I was thinking about that dude I talked to for 4 hours and that after reflecting, I realized that I would totally hang out with him (as a friend). And as some of my favorite friends do, she egged me on to call him. I didn’t want to call him. How mortifying, truly. But then I thought a little more big picture. What is there to lose? How many things do we not do because we are scared? But what do we lose? Will our ego gets hurt, will we be slightly humbled? Is it really my loss or the other the persons for not picking up, because if you don’t try at all, the answer will undoubtedly always be no. So I picked up that phone and I called, and it was mortifying. The most humiliating part came the next day when I was informed, that he picked up my phone call on a way to a party with other people listening to the call. At that party, my friend asked about me (not knowing anything about how I asked him to hang out later that long weekend on a call hours earlier) and said he straight up said he didn’t have any interest and wouldn’t be hanging out with me to my friend at the party that night.

After being embarrassed for a few minutes, I changed my perception and remembered that it’s not my loss because I reached out. Because there was nothing to lose… well only my pride. Shut that pride up, because the reality is, it will stop you from doing and becoming someone who is outside of their comfort zone constantly. So please, next time you are thinking of someone or want to do something, start saying to yourself “what is there to lose” because 9 times out of 10, the consequences will be minor compared to the growth experienced and what you have to gain.

The reality is if someone wanted to invest their time in you, they will. And if they don’t care that much, they won’t give you the time of day or will text you saying “I’m kinda busy this entire week but I’ll lyk if I can hang out next weekend” like your their last option if all else is false.

hair clips:Chunks/jogging suit: Dusen Dusen

matching sweat suit: Dusen Dusen/ hair clips: Chunks